don't force me to kill myself.

work so hard for what? push myself so far in order to proof peoples there i am not a useless person, but things just goes in a opposite way.

I face the challenges in studying, force my myself to study and get good grades. but what for? no one believe that i am trying my best.

everyday wake up early in the morning at 6.20am to go school. reach home at 10plus, all those things for? nothing, no motivations to push myself.

Depression/loneliness/stressed all coming to me at the same time,
no one is there for me to talk to.
no one believe that i am stressed,
why? do anyone know i had problems too?
why friends/family members keep throwing their problem to me?
why! i am a normal human being too! i got feelings too.
do they know i got my own problems/stressed?
why! i am totally disappointed by them.
totally disappointed, i push myself to study and excel one day, but
why, why they always never think of how stressed i am, how tired i am. why?!

All too often you get so involved in things that you look at life through a microscope. Amplifying manifold, an invisible speck becomes an insurmountable mountain. Put down the microscope and imagine yourself a year from now looking back at today: 'Does this really matter?'

My opinions are just that, - opinions, regardless of where I got them from. They are tiny, a speck compared to the immensity of God. I cannot possibly have even the faintest idea of what God commands to other people, to other lifeforms. We only possible intelligent choice is to continuously open in love and acceptance. Today more than yesterday.

Losing everything is at the same time the scariest, as well as the most liberating experience you can have. When you have something, - anything, you've got to protect it from disappearing. And so worry becomes a resident in your heart. When you've got nothing, your heart overflows with gratitude for every offering you receive.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uy0HNWto0UY
How do you guys feel about this video ? Is it meaningful?
doesn't it happen in real life??
when i finished the video, my mind keep telling me one thing, don't ever let fate walk pass you. Catch it and don't let go.
so many random encounters each and every day, yet what are the chances of growing them into something bigger? something more meaning and wonderful?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uy0HNWto0UY

I  keep wanting to know how things will play out, keep asking to see the future. God doesn't give anyone the power to know the future, because life becomes maddeningly boring when I know everything upfront. So, instead of struggling, enjoy the uncertainty - to be alive means to not know.