you are the special one.

don't force me to kill myself.

2009-11-12T06:33:00.000-08:00

work so hard for what? push myself so far in order to proof peoples there i am not a useless person, but things just goes in a opposite way.

I face the challenges in studying, force my myself to study and get good grades. but what for? no one believe that i am trying my best.

everyday wake up early in the morning at 6.20am to go school. reach home at 10plus, all those things for? nothing, no motivations to push myself.

Depression/loneliness/stressed all coming to me at the same time,
no one is there for me to talk to.
no one believe that i am stressed,
why? do anyone know i had problems too?
why friends/family members keep throwing their problem to me?
why! i am a normal human being too! i got feelings too.
do they know i got my own problems/stressed?
why! i am totally disappointed by them.
totally disappointed, i push myself to study and excel one day, but
why, why they always never think of how stressed i am, how tired i am. why?!

2009-10-18T02:36:00.001-07:00

All too often you get so involved in things that you look at life through a microscope. Amplifying manifold, an invisible speck becomes an insurmountable mountain. Put down the microscope and imagine yourself a year from now looking back at today: 'Does this really matter?'

2009-10-11T18:33:00.000-07:00

My opinions are just that, - opinions, regardless of where I got them from. They are tiny, a speck compared to the immensity of God. I cannot possibly have even the faintest idea of what God commands to other people, to other lifeforms. We only possible intelligent choice is to continuously open in love and acceptance. Today more than yesterday.

2009-10-02T17:38:00.001-07:00

Losing everything is at the same time the scariest, as well as the most liberating experience you can have. When you have something, - anything, you've got to protect it from disappearing. And so worry becomes a resident in your heart. When you've got nothing, your heart overflows with gratitude for every offering you receive.

2009-09-26T22:15:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uy0HNWto0UY
How do you guys feel about this video ? Is it meaningful?
doesn't it happen in real life??
when i finished the video, my mind keep telling me one thing, don't ever let fate walk pass you. Catch it and don't let go.
so many random encounters each and every day, yet what are the chances of growing them into something bigger? something more meaning and wonderful?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uy0HNWto0UY

2009-09-21T11:39:00.000-07:00

I keep wanting to know how things will play out, keep asking to see the future. God doesn't give anyone the power to know the future, because life becomes maddeningly boring when I know everything upfront. So, instead of struggling, enjoy the uncertainty - to be alive means to not know.

2009-09-18T10:41:00.001-07:00

Enough of the routine already. Go on, have an adventure, - do what i always wanted deep within my heart. Do what brings me alive, and the universe will open doors where there were only walls.

2009-09-18T10:36:00.001-07:00

Successful people are successful because they have seized opportunities to do something they are personally passionate about:

2009-09-17T10:00:00.001-07:00

What you think of as accidents are simply your conversations with God that you haven't yet been able to understand. But take heart, all happens in God's will and every conversation has deep meaning for you.

2009-09-15T12:32:00.000-07:00

Love is the blood of the soul. God wants all beings to have healthy and strong souls, so God created a simple law to nourish the soul: the more you give love, the more you receive love.
Remember all the beings I love - people, animals - that I haven't thought of lately. Do not wait anymore, reconnect with them today and express my love.

2009-09-13T09:47:00.000-07:00

Sure, there is time to invest yourself fully into work, but there is equally important time for joyful resting. And for you, this time is now. What is the absolutely most wonderful little treat you can give yourself?
Do it today.

2009-09-12T09:55:00.001-07:00

Sorrow is with us not because we are bad at stopping it, but simply because it's part of being human. What matters is not whether good or bad things happen - both will, but your relationship to them. Just think back over the last 24 hours, - what had you taken hard that you could have taken lightly?

2009-09-10T06:41:00.000-07:00

God created joy as a balm for pain.

What are some places,

Who are some people filled with joy?

that i can rely on to ease my pain?

2009-09-08T23:26:00.000-07:00

WOW I passed my FTT.
that is so awesome! the only thing i left is the final test.
if i pass that test. i will got my lice this Nov!!
cool.
sometime last min study for the test it works too,
better than doing nothing, waiting to see the "FAILED" at the screen.

2009-09-06T09:10:00.000-07:00

If all you had to do was wish for something and you would have it,
life would be pretty boring, wouldn't it?
God placed barriers between us and what we want,
so we can enjoy interesting and satisfying lives.
God hid our biggest rewards behind the highest barriers - our deepest fears.
God wants us to face our fears, and hold ground in their presence, and let them go, and that's how we get out biggest rewards.
What are you most afraid of? Say it, just start by saying it.

2009-09-03T06:08:00.000-07:00

Yes,
even the parts that hurt, even the ones that are feeling disease right now.
It's alright to love what is in pain.
More than alright, that's exactly where your love is needed the most.
So why not touch that part that hurts and smile at it,
at yourself through it,

and whisper: ''I love you.''

2009-09-01T08:58:00.000-07:00

I really need to keep myself VERY BUSY,
that i wont allow myself to have single to be free.
I hate to be free!
I hate to be alone outside.

I am not going to fall in-love again ever, never.
Love is so uncontrollable, i cant handle it.
NO more!

This kind of life is really ENOUGH! enough of it.
Sick of it.

2009-08-31T06:29:00.000-07:00

wow!! finally got my PDL(Provisional Driving License)

And the best thing is MY FTT(Final Theory Test) is on 8/9/2009

I will got only one week to read up the whole Final Theory Book, oh NO!!

Dead meat this time, i guess i have to take two times in order to "PASSED"

Taking Manuel is so much harder than the autos.
hm.. i think i got to spent more time on it.

Wish me good luck that i wont knock any pedestrians down.

Love or career?

2009-08-24T08:34:00.000-07:00

Between love and career,
which will you choose?
Both have their pros and cons,
is how we see them and how much we need them.
as for me,
I had tried both in my 20 years of life.

How about you?

2009-08-23T08:52:00.000-07:00

recently I am totally changed,

Change to be more optimistic over life,
change to be more sociable,
change to be more caring/open over my DEAR friends.

oh ya, before i forget, i want to thank my friends who spent time
to celebrate my birthday, wonderful day!!!!
thank you guys

2009-08-15T11:12:00.000-07:00

went to the National Library to study for the coming UTs,

It was fun there, load peoples over there, cant find tables
End up have to sit on the floor, But i still like it =)

And that's my classmate Benson, Handsome/Cute right! haha
cant really study with some couples around laughing and taking photos.

When to have dinner at Bugis Junction,
the night-view of Bugis is so nice~

Understanding Test coming!

2009-08-14T02:54:00.000-07:00

Guys please study for the coming UTs, work hard guys!

nowadays are really very busy, school/training/work

time pass really fast, one month past just like one week.

First month

2009-08-11T08:45:00.001-07:00

One month already, do you not feel anything? Do you not feel sad? Do you not feel regret?

If you would be loved, love and be lovable

2009-08-11T00:34:00.000-07:00

If you found someone which worth for your love, go ahead.
fall deeply in love with him, care for him,

and,

Is fun to skip school with classmates(10peoples)

2009-08-10T20:21:00.000-07:00

wow~ never though of skipping module with classmates,
having breakfast at mac,
went to school library for some blogging, having loads fun here

Unwanted MSG

2009-08-03T06:13:00.001-07:00

The most unwanted msg I had received in my life was from you(kerRi).On 11/07/09 my hp ranged, Showed “Baby kerRi”. I opened it with a smile.
“ I think we should break-up, ……………………………………..” I dropped my phone, was stunned for 5 mins. The first thing come to my mind was you are just joking. But you had never joke with me in the 3 years8months. I don’t dare to reply, I don’t know what to do. I read the msg over and over again, check the msg details. It was from you “Baby kerRi”I was stunned for the whole week, I was lost, I was blur the whole week. I still cannot believe it after one week of dreaming and recalling what I have done that make you so angry and upset.

Do you remember

2009-08-03T05:46:00.000-07:00

Do you remember the date we sat at the bench at Parsir Ris beach,

Do you remember the wonderful romantic moment at the seaside,

Do you remember I fall asleep while chatting with you,

Do you remember how sweet it is when we kissed.

Do you remember how roman it is when we Hugged.

Why so cruel to me

2009-08-02T19:17:00.000-07:00

Do you remember the first time we met,
The very first time I hold your hand,
The first time I told you “I Love You”
The very first time I go your house,
The very first we celebrated our Feb/14
The very first we celebrated 1st anni

Do you remember?

2009-08-01T08:54:00.000-07:00

The unendurable pain became worser when i saw you've so happy msgging with the guy

Have you ever cried so much, so sad that your heart starts to emit physical pain as well, like your heart is shedding tears? I had, because that was the first time I experienced that pain: Sharp, strong and like an emotionally-injected sting.

2009-07-30T06:17:00.001-07:00

I will never allow myself to give up on you.

Never pity me for the hurts you gave me.

After this days of reflection on the relationship,

I am working on the weaknesses that cause our relationship to put an end.

Proof to you I am not a loser, not a hopeless guy!

Sooner or later, You will see a totally different rauL

Capable of handing every single things by myself!

I want you so badly that i can overcome everything to win you back.

Is it too late?

2009-07-29T18:35:00.000-07:00

To make myself more presentable in front of your friends/family members.
I had tried so hard to improve myself,
Join Dragon Boat
Join English Language Support Program

But....

your image is everywhere.

2009-07-27T18:53:00.000-07:00

Everything seems so empty.
Every single movement seems empty.
Even in a crowd of people, I feel lonely, I feel like you are the only person in the world who can wipe out the loneliness in me.
Every single second, I think of you, I think of ways to make you smile, I imagine where are you now, and every single second, you are like a part of me, and I see you more than I see myselfbecause the moment I close my eyes, your image stands in front of me.

2009-07-27T00:06:00.000-07:00

Every single detail in life reflects you. Every MRT Station I see, every drink I drink, every shirt I wear.
What I have to do is not to remember you: Not to remember that we once kissed at this MRT Station, not to remember that we once shared that drink, not to remember that you bought me that shirt.

but i failed,
when I tried to forget you, I had just thought of you again.

I had fallen deeply in love with you

2009-07-26T22:33:00.000-07:00

Before I met you(kerRi), I wondered why all the lyrics in love songs were so exaggerated:
Why do lyricists create such mushy and overemotional sentences?
Why can’t they just write a good melody without those melodramatic lyrics?
That is plain exaggeration.

Before I fell in love with you, I thought romance novels were just so silly:
Why would a person cry for another person for hours?
How could a person wait for his lover for years?
That is plain silliness.

Before we became a couple, I thought romance movies were just so stupid:
How could a person love another person so deeply that it became an obsession?
How could one sacrifice so much, even to the extent of his own life, for his lover?
That is plain stupidity.

When I realized I had fallen so deeply in love with you(kerRi), I finally understood that songs, novels and movies are just reflections of life.

To forget you.

2009-07-26T19:30:00.000-07:00

To forget is just an interpretation. An immeasurable love’s memories can never be wiped off. Time doesn’t devour memories:
It just slowly, painfully converts it into fragments of a dream. Occasionally, something will spark the wrath of the dream, and the dream will alter into a memory again.

The Day you went away. 11/07/09

2009-07-26T18:52:00.000-07:00

The utmost pain in this world is not breaking up with you (kerRi)
It is remembering the love that we once shared,
yet there is no likelihood to revive this love once again.

I don’t remember the tears; I only remember the pain.